Life has always been a long and winding journey of self discovery. It often takes loads of courage and endurance to go through this journey. Often then not do others tend to discover more about yourself then you will able to by doing it yourself. So which category do you actually belong to?
Do you belong to the self discovery group or the group discovery group. Self discovery is often emotionally tormenting and taxing, but it is definitely the most accurate way for emotional growth as well.
It is easier to find something to fall back on rather then falling straight onto hard ground. The things to fall back on often comes in the form of friends and family. Some people will rather fall onto the ground and learn it hard by themselves then finding something to break the fall. Although self discovery is a way of learning about yourself, it also comes at a pretty hefty price. Imagine forcing your way into doing something that is obviously wrong when there are already people who have experienced it. Whats the point in mentioning this is obviously to remind people that you need to attain a certain level of maturity before one should even go into self discovery. If you believe that you are not ready for it, do listen to more experienced people and learn from their mistakes. Its only wise to be able to decide between which way to take in your life journey.
People who actually managed to embark on a self discovery journey are usually people who do not show their real emotions readily to people. The trust factor in people is always fluctuating because they tend to trust themselves more then anyone else. So if you manage to gain the little bit of trust and attention from such a person, it wil be too dumb to just let it go. The moment such a person start to doubt his own decision in putting trust on someone, it may well be too late to keep this friend close to you. Trust to a self believeing person is often in abundance within, but so scarcely shared. "A wise person is only wise if he makes the correct decision, while a dumb person is only dumb if he makes one wrong decision".
Man often think with their body, while woman think with their heart. So does anyone ever think with their brains? It will never happen unless you can calm yourself down before making any rash decisions. An emotionally inclined decision from a woman is often inaccurate if it lacks some logical analysis from the brains. You do not fall in love for the sake of falling in love, and you do not have sex with a man just because you think you love him enough to do it. Likewise a man should never have sex with a women just because his hormones is overflowing. If a person jut allow these to happen without even consulting your friends in the thick skull, who is going to bear the consequences? Does your tear glands help you solve the problem? Or does your anger come to your rescue by slaughtering whoever did it to you? So what are all these about? If you think you can get your brains involved in any of the situations above then probably you are someone mature enough to take on a self challenge. It is just a matter of time before you have to learn more about yourself, but choosing the right time is important. As for me, i think i have lost my way somewhere in the journey. Maybe its about time to do a soft reset and reassess the relationships around me before i start to have doubts about who i really am.
Something to leave you thinking. "Always start a relationship with 90% trust, and decrease it with every bad encounter. Beginning a relationship with 0% trust will leave you with nothing to gain from it." Wondering where did the 10% go for a start? Obviously nobody will be able to give anyone 100% trust. If you are already doubting yourself once in a while, then on what basis do you have to trust another person fully?
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Friendship Vs Friendship
What does friendship mean to you?
How much is friendship worth to you?
Do you think that there are different kinds of friendship?
or
Do you think there are just different kinds of relationships?
There are really no clear answers to these questions, but answers only come from the person who is thinking about it. What does friendship really mean to you? Is it as simple as one can think as hanging out together and sharing joy and woes? A personal opinion on this is not as simple as one can say. Although i stand by my life philosophy as life being simple, but i also believe that there are things that cannot be translated into words. Friendship is a feeling of the heart deep inside within one. Most people make friends with the brains and the mouth, but what a real friend needs is your heart's participation a well. We always believed that only the most intimate relationships requires commitment from the heart, but thats not really true. An intimate relationship is just another kind of friendship at a deeper level.
Friendships are made from relationships and there are different levels of it in my personal opinion.
1. Acquaintance - 0%
2. Friend - 80%
3. Close Friend - 80%
4. Buddy - 80%
5. Intimate Buddy - 80%
6. Spouse - 90%
Some of those seems obvious enough, but some seems so distant away. Some description will definitely be useful. The percentage simply shows the amount of heart commitment that should be made available. Every relationship begins from being acquaintances, simply because these are people that you probably know, but yet not familiar with. They may be people whom you see at your work everyday, but do not really talk to. A friend is really self explainatory because these are people whom you get to see and go out with probably most of the time in a large group. A close friend is someone whom you often go out with and talk to. You will share things with them, but with some reservation. A buddy is already one of the higher levels of friendship being someone you almost always go out with, share almost everything with. You will almost never reject to help when he/she is in need. An intimate buddy is what people usually call "Boyfriends" or "Girlfriends". There is really no distinct line that separates this and buddies apart other than the fact that an intimate buddy usually involves people from the opposite gender who shares not only almost everything, but also very close physical presence. The last one is probably self explainatory.
Whatever the relationship, one must understand that once you make a person your friend, the amount of heart you have to put into it is no different from any other levels of friendship. When i say heart, it simply means everything of you, which may include things like attention and time. Both is as important to anyone in the world, but it is something you have to make use of wisely. In any case, a normal person will always allocate up to 90% of his/her free time to the intimate buddy and ultimately neglect the importance of friends. This has always been the problem and will always be there, but one has to reduce it as far as possible. Friends is the next important thing compared to your family when it comes to human relationships. Everyone needs attention, and it definitely not only applies to situations when someone has problems. Remember you are suppose to share joy and woes together? Does being around when your buddy is down enough?
If that is seriously whats running around in your puny little brain than you should seriously restructure your heart and life before all is lost. Your buddy and friends all need to spend quality time with you be it bitching about others, a normal shopping trip or even just a meal together. That does not mean you appearing only when your friends are down. If that is what you only do, then your friend will probably be better off without you around.
A friend is as important as any number of intimate buddie you may have. Be realistic, you will get loads of time with an intimate buddy after you get married. If a friend is neglected, all is lost for you. The relationship will never be the same again no matter how both of you assure each other verbally. It is just like a thick rope being pleated together through numerous hours of effort. The bond will be so strong that its hard to break no matter how hard you tug at it. Once the rope snaps, even the strongest glue cannot bring it back to its original state. A buddy will almost never betray you, but it may not be true for an intimate buddy due to loads of other factors. A final word of advise: "If you cannot share your time maintaining bonds, do not go around making bonds that you ultimately break". The hurt a person gets from a broken bond is excruciating.
How much is friendship worth to you?
Do you think that there are different kinds of friendship?
or
Do you think there are just different kinds of relationships?
There are really no clear answers to these questions, but answers only come from the person who is thinking about it. What does friendship really mean to you? Is it as simple as one can think as hanging out together and sharing joy and woes? A personal opinion on this is not as simple as one can say. Although i stand by my life philosophy as life being simple, but i also believe that there are things that cannot be translated into words. Friendship is a feeling of the heart deep inside within one. Most people make friends with the brains and the mouth, but what a real friend needs is your heart's participation a well. We always believed that only the most intimate relationships requires commitment from the heart, but thats not really true. An intimate relationship is just another kind of friendship at a deeper level.
Friendships are made from relationships and there are different levels of it in my personal opinion.
1. Acquaintance - 0%
2. Friend - 80%
3. Close Friend - 80%
4. Buddy - 80%
5. Intimate Buddy - 80%
6. Spouse - 90%
Some of those seems obvious enough, but some seems so distant away. Some description will definitely be useful. The percentage simply shows the amount of heart commitment that should be made available. Every relationship begins from being acquaintances, simply because these are people that you probably know, but yet not familiar with. They may be people whom you see at your work everyday, but do not really talk to. A friend is really self explainatory because these are people whom you get to see and go out with probably most of the time in a large group. A close friend is someone whom you often go out with and talk to. You will share things with them, but with some reservation. A buddy is already one of the higher levels of friendship being someone you almost always go out with, share almost everything with. You will almost never reject to help when he/she is in need. An intimate buddy is what people usually call "Boyfriends" or "Girlfriends". There is really no distinct line that separates this and buddies apart other than the fact that an intimate buddy usually involves people from the opposite gender who shares not only almost everything, but also very close physical presence. The last one is probably self explainatory.
Whatever the relationship, one must understand that once you make a person your friend, the amount of heart you have to put into it is no different from any other levels of friendship. When i say heart, it simply means everything of you, which may include things like attention and time. Both is as important to anyone in the world, but it is something you have to make use of wisely. In any case, a normal person will always allocate up to 90% of his/her free time to the intimate buddy and ultimately neglect the importance of friends. This has always been the problem and will always be there, but one has to reduce it as far as possible. Friends is the next important thing compared to your family when it comes to human relationships. Everyone needs attention, and it definitely not only applies to situations when someone has problems. Remember you are suppose to share joy and woes together? Does being around when your buddy is down enough?
If that is seriously whats running around in your puny little brain than you should seriously restructure your heart and life before all is lost. Your buddy and friends all need to spend quality time with you be it bitching about others, a normal shopping trip or even just a meal together. That does not mean you appearing only when your friends are down. If that is what you only do, then your friend will probably be better off without you around.
A friend is as important as any number of intimate buddie you may have. Be realistic, you will get loads of time with an intimate buddy after you get married. If a friend is neglected, all is lost for you. The relationship will never be the same again no matter how both of you assure each other verbally. It is just like a thick rope being pleated together through numerous hours of effort. The bond will be so strong that its hard to break no matter how hard you tug at it. Once the rope snaps, even the strongest glue cannot bring it back to its original state. A buddy will almost never betray you, but it may not be true for an intimate buddy due to loads of other factors. A final word of advise: "If you cannot share your time maintaining bonds, do not go around making bonds that you ultimately break". The hurt a person gets from a broken bond is excruciating.
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